Noah They Didn't!

   Imagine a film about the American Revolution where George Washington doesn't want us to win, Benedict Arnold stops Franklin from killing Jefferson, and the Nazis help us defeat the British. This gives you some idea of how backwards, upside-down, and inside-out "Noah" turns the familiar Bible story! Watching this travesty is like taking some leftovers that have been in the fridge a bit too long and eating them anyway.
   From start to finish the film spits in God's face, depicting Noah as a family anhililator who doesn't want mankind to survive the Flood, can't hear God, and won't let his single sons take wives on board. Weirder by far is the notion that "the Watchers", fallen angels cast down to earth (i.e. demons) looking like giant scorpians molded in Play-doh help Noah build the Ark. In this absurd tale, God is sending the Flood because humans hunted down these Watchers: what? Moreover the Watchers are ticked off at us because we betrayed the Creator (like they didn't?).
   Once a-sail, Noah recounts the story of Creation....while accompanying video unabashedly portrays the Big Bang and Evolution! I kid you not! When Shem's wife gives birth to twin girls on the Ark (news to me!), Noah wants to kill them to keep Ham & Japheth from having mates. But the CGI babies are so adorable, Noah can't go through with it, and has a change of heart.  Mrs. Shem tells Noah God gave HIM the choice whether the human race survives or not!
   Honestly, I found Jack Black's Year One less offensive! This New Age, humanistic, feministic, Ancient Alienistic version of the Biblical epic has been out since March, but I hadn't heard any protests or objections from any Church leaders. (Maybe I missed it: you hear anything?) Had someone made a film painting Mohammad in as bad a light as this film depicts Noah, surely Hollywood would be a pile of smoldering ruins by now!
   In a vision the Apostle John saw "a great mouth speaking blasphemies". I know the feelng.